Marriage Proposal – Will You Marry Me?

Introduction

Life, in itself is a giant means of change administration. We develop from Infancy to Childhood to adolescent to being grownup. On relations entrance, now we have dad and mom. We have relations. We get in contact with many individuals; work together with some individuals after which we make few mates, some as Professional Friends and few as Social Friends however there may be one and just one (lately, I can use the time period “few”) particular person in our life to whom we promise our life-lengthy dedication. We wish to spend remainder of our life with this particular person. Before making such dedication, we wish to be double certain of ourselves. We seek the advice of all our mates and relations earlier than making such dedication. Those are the choices that we prefer to take as soon as and solely as soon as in our life and we do not wish to remorse these choices within the later stage of our life. If we take a mistaken choice or make a mistaken selection, it haunts us for the remainder of our life.

So, what are the parameters or components that one considers or retains in thoughts earlier than accepting the proposal of marriage? What goes of their thoughts when somebody proposes them? How do they put together themselves earlier than proposing somebody?

Some Common Parameters and Factors

Being a good friend with somebody of reverse gender is one factor. One may go for courting. But, marrying somebody and making a life-lengthy dedication is altogether a distinct factor. Males and females have totally different standards and parameters which they contemplate and take note whereas accepting the wedding proposal. Then, these parameters are in several order of precedence and differ from male-to-female and male-to-feminine. I spoke to a couple individuals throughout India to seek out out what parameters they contemplate earlier than making a life lengthy dedication to somebody? Hence, these parameters mirror Indian Culture and considering sample of Indian People, notably Indian Youths.

Parameters for Males

Males contemplate following parameters earlier than making a life lengthy dedication to a feminine.

1. Looks, options and different bodily attributes

2. Respect for his dad and mom and relations

3. Character and Values of woman

4. Social – Status of the household

5. Financial Status of the household

6. Past of the woman

7. Education

8. Emotional Stability

9. Must be prepared to take-up family duties

10. Should help him in all conditions and circumstances

11. Considering the current financial situation…she is predicted to be an expert

(Order of Preference might range from Male-to-Male)

We mentioned this with many individuals and tried to know and perceive their views and ideas on this. Some of the responses from Males are as follows:

1) Raphael Gilbert (Consultant at Modis International): From my expertise, dedication from a girl relies upon upon her age.

1) Under 25 – Commitment is predicated purely on seems to be. They fall in love simply however frankly are solely serious about having enjoyable/quick time period commitments that “in general” lead nowhere.

2) Over 25 – Once a girl has had sufficient ‘enjoyable’ they progressively start to comprehend that they need kids – a household and so on, and admittedly the fellows they thought of enjoyable are on no account an excellent position-mannequin. They start to alter their priorities from seems to be… to wage package deal/stability/profession prospects and secondly (and that is typically a should) a humorousness (as if they can not have the seems to be they need a man who can no less than make them snicker!). It’s a tragic however true truth – however they accept us guys considering (Well he is probably not Tom Hanks however no less than I’ll have an excellent life/money/a pleasant household and I wont be alone).

This sadly, is true for I’d say 80% of ladies. I’m fairly fortunate and have discovered the woman of my goals who VERY fortunately for me does not fall into this class, nonetheless, I problem any girl to inform me I’m mistaken!

(I’m going to get slaughtered for scripting this).

Men then again….

We’re shallow bastards – If we will not stroll down the road being happy with holding fingers with our potential companions then frankly they have not an opportunity of dedication. We’re as shallow as a child’s paddling pool and no less than I’m courageous sufficient to confess it.

Men’s precedence =

1) Looks

2) Is the intercourse good

3) Does she make me smile

4) Could I spend the remainder of my life with this woman?

5) How a lot BAGGAGE does she have

If 1 and a pair of aren’t sure… a person won’t ever give dedication

2) Andrew Meyer (Owner, Capability Alignment Professionals): I take a little bit of a distinct method on this. Most of my expertise is within the US, however I’d suppose anyplace that each individuals have equal selection about who they date, these components would come into play.

The subsequent factor to level out is that there is what individuals say they search for after which there’s what individuals reply to. Dating isn’t an mental train. I do not suppose there are checklists or a lot intelligence that goes into the equation. There may be some after-the-truth rationalization, however let’s be sincere, it is not considering that is occurring.

That mentioned, I’ll begin with what I’m an skilled on, being a person.

1) Is a girl bodily enticing to you?

2) Do you sync along with her.

3) Women who meet these two standards will probably be dropped in the event that they put up a significant crimson flag. Major crimson flags embody – having no feminine mates; main points; and so on.

From my statement of ladies:

1) Challenge – how difficult is the man to get/management. The tougher the man, the higher

2) How does he make her really feel?

There are loads of issues that may trigger a relationship to go mistaken or by no means begin, however these are the issues that set off the beginning of a relationship and result in dedication.

3) Pete Berghold (Unix Professional and Perl Hacker at IBM): My causes for marrying my spouse some 30 years in the past are as follows:

She is my greatest good friend. My spouse is the one particular person from who I’ve no secrets and techniques. None. I do not even attempt to preserve secrets and techniques as a result of she’d see proper by me anyway and determine I used to be holding one thing again.

Our personalities mesh. Where she leaves off I decide up and the place I go away off she picks up.

This is to not say that we do not ever have our variations. There isn’t any manner in Creation that two individuals are ever going to reside with each other with out there being one thing that units one another off.

The distinction is available in the place how we take care of these variations and on the finish of the day we respect one another and take care of each other sufficient that the variations do not make a giant deal.

When a problem arises the place now we have a distinction we work it out. And we do not let others “help” us work it out both.

We additionally have a tendency (with minor variations) to have the identical values.

After 30 years of being collectively and we’re nonetheless loopy about one another we should be doing one thing proper.

4) Phil Johnson, MBL Coach (Master of Business Leadership Coach): My spouse Brenda is my greatest good friend.

She is filled with love, braveness, integrity, optimism, hope and religion. She has all the time impressed me to be who I’m. Neither of us wants the opposite to be full – however the world is a gentler, happier place once we are collectively. I make her snicker and a smile usually seems on my face once we are collectively. Each 12 months since we had been married we renew our marriage ceremony vows. I ask her if she could be prepared to place up with me for one more 12 months.

We are blessed to have discovered one another and we all know it. This is very true this 12 months as Brenda was identified with most cancers final spring. Her radiation and chemo remedies have been accomplished and issues look good. We are like two raccoons or blue jays … mated for all times. I couldn’t think about making this journey with anybody else.

Parameters for Females

Females contemplate following parameters earlier than making a life lengthy dedication to a feminine.

1. Security of Present (A man should be employed; working in a reputed firm, at a robust place and naturally with a good-looking wage package deal…the extra it’s the higher it’s.)

2. Good Education (Preferably from Good…reputed institute)

3. Security of Future (Must have goals to chase; targets to attain. In quick, should have potential to change into identified, well-known and common)

4. Intelligence

5. Wealth

6. Looks and Appearance

7. Love and Care for her

8. Character and Values of a Guy

9. Respect for her dad and mom and her relations

10. Should not take a look at different ladies and even have any thought of them

(Order of Preference might range from feminine-to-feminine)

We mentioned this with many individuals and tried to know and perceive their views and ideas on this. Some of the responses from females are as follows:

1) Dev Deepika (HR Professional At Maersk): Not certain what every particular person seems to be at as expectations of every particular person is totally different. I’m enclosing excerpt from a guide that I learn, which states “Finding and Keeping a Life Partner”…I perceive that these have been acknowledged by Dov Heller, M.A.

If you ask most {couples} who’re engaged why they’re getting married, they will say: “We’re in love”; Choosing a life associate ought to by no means be based mostly on love. Love is the results of an excellent marriage not the idea.

Give questions you will need to ask your self in case you’re critical about discovering and protecting a life associate.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a typical life goal?

Why is that this so vital? If you are married for 20 or 30 years, that is a very long time to reside with somebody. What do you propose to do with one another all that point? Travel, eat and jog collectively? You must share one thing deeper and extra significant. You want a typical life goal.

Two issues can occur in a wedding: (1) You can develop collectively, or (2) you may develop aside. 50% of the individuals on the market are rising aside.

Bottom line; marry somebody who needs the identical factor.

QUESTION 2: Do I really feel protected expressing my emotions and ideas with this particular person?

Feeling protected means you may talk brazenly with this particular person. The foundation of getting good communication is belief – i.e. belief that I will not

get “punished”; or damage for expressing my sincere ideas and emotions. A colleague of mine defines an abusive particular person as somebody

with whom you are feeling afraid to precise your ideas and emotions. Be sincere with your self on this one. Make certain you are feeling emotionally protected with the particular person you propose to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a menace?

A menace is somebody who’s a refined and delicate particular person. How are you able to take a look at? Do they work on private development regularly? Are they critical about enhancing themselves? A trainer of mine defines an excellent particular person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right “;. So ask about your vital different: What do they do with their time? Is this particular person materialistic? Usually a

materialistic particular person isn’t somebody whose high precedence is character refinement.

There are basically two sorts of individuals on the planet: (1) People who’re devoted to non-public development and (2) people who find themselves devoted to

searching for consolation. Someone whose purpose in life is to be snug will put private consolation forward of doing the fitting factor. You must know

that earlier than strolling down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she deal with different individuals?

The one most vital factor that makes any relationship work is the flexibility to present. By giving, we imply the flexibility to present one other particular person

pleasure.

Ask: Is this somebody who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, take into consideration the next: How do they deal with individuals whom they don’t have to be good to, akin to waiters, bus boys, taxi

drivers, and so on… How do they deal with their dad and mom and siblings? Do they’ve gratitude and appreciation?

If they do not have gratitude for the individuals who have given them all the things; are you able to do practically as a lot for them? You can ensure that

somebody, who treats others poorly, will ultimately deal with you poorly as nicely.

QUESTION 5: Is there something I’m hoping to alter about this particular person after we’re married?

Too many individuals make the error of marrying somebody with the intention of making an attempt to “improve” them after they’re married. If you can’t absolutely settle for this particular person the way in which they’re now, then you aren’t able to marry them.

In conclusion, courting does not need to be tough and treacherous. The secret is to strive main just a little extra along with your head and fewer with

your coronary heart. It pays to be as goal as attainable when you’re courting; to make sure you ask questions that can show you how to get to the important thing

points. Falling in love is a good feeling, however whenever you get up with a hoop in your finger, you do not wish to end up bother since you did not do your homework.

2) Sharon Hill (Sales and advertising supervisor at Suburban Newspapers of America): I search for a person who ISN’T in search of a girl who’s prepared to take up family duties. YIKES. How previous had been these guys you had been asking? I’ll do my half, however ideally I’ll pay half of the price of the one who is available in and does it for us.

Support him in all conditions and circumstances? Well, certain if I agree with him however I’ve a thoughts of my very own. If I’ve an opposing view I’ll act on it.

Yes, he should be employed and employed nicely – with an entrepreneurial spirit. That’s not as a result of I wish to safe my future. I’ll safe my very own future. I simply admire creativity, ingenuity and ambition.

A person must be witty, inventive, articulate, formidable, self-motivated, constructive, loyal, an excellent listener, adventurous and never threatened by a powerful girl. He needs to be nicely groomed however does not should be good-looking. His training does not matter in any respect. Many entrepreneurs have succeeded despite their training – not due to it. I make my very own future and my very own safety. I simply search for somebody who could make my free time gratifying.

Oh, and also you took about males’s ideas concerning the “girl.” He must be supportive of my feminist / equality view level. If he refers to me and different grownup females as a woman I’m out of there.

3) Sheilah Etheridge (Owner, SME Management: Management and Accounting Consultant): For me, I take a look at the next

A. Has a powerful character,

B. How does he take care of life’s points,

C. Does he seize life by the horns and make one of the best of it

D. Do now we have a deep connection,

E. Is this somebody I can get up to on a regular basis for the remainder of my life and nonetheless smile.

F. Whether he’s sincere,

G. Is this somebody I can brazenly share all points of life with

H. Can he deal with my directness (many cannot)

I. Is he respectful

J. Can we speak about all the things and comply with disagree

Okay. Do we praise one another

L. When we’re 90 and the intercourse is much less frequent will there be different issues we take pleasure in sharing

M. Do we take pleasure in doing “nothing” collectively – that is extra vital than you suppose

N. Can I belief him with my coronary heart and my life

4) Laura Bell Greeno (Business Development Professional): From a 37 12 months-previous Christian (feminine) perspective, I’d not make a life dedication to a person who did not know God. A person’s love for God has change into probably the most enticing factor to me.

Without related targets, beliefs, and life aims…I believe it might be tougher to remain collectively for a lifetime (though not unimaginable by any means).

Knowing that, my potential associate is “like-minded” spiritually. After that, as I take a look at your ideas round ladies’s preferences, I must say they might be prioritized fairly in a different way for me (USA feminine).

I. Intelligence

II. Sense of humor (not listed above)

III. Job (though I disagree along with your ideas round place/energy/wage…not that vital for me…extra vital could be respect from friends…that he’s good at what he does)

IV. Looks and look (clear is nice)

V. Love of God (respect/values/character/love/wealth all comes with this)

The safety of future…you describe as potential, ambition…and recognition, fame, et cetera. Framed in that sense, these are of little concern to me.

Conclusion

Someone advised me, one shouldn’t get married simply because your mates are getting married or your dad and mom wish to you get married. For them, your marriage is nothing greater than perform and an event for social get collectively. So, you need to be certain of your self earlier than getting dedicated to somebody. You should be ready to your marriage, bodily, mentally, emotionally and financially. Tomorrow, you shouldn’t sit and remorse your choice, as a result of if that can occur it’ll have hostile impact in your life. It will have an effect on the tempo of your life.

So, take your time earlier than making life-lengthy dedication to somebody.

Acknowledgement

I prefer to say because of following individuals with out whom I couldn’t have accomplished this text.

1. Laura Bell Greeno (Business Development Professional

2. Sheilah Etheridge (Owner, SME Management: Management and Accounting Consultant)

3. Sharon Hill (Sales and advertising supervisor at Suburban Newspapers of America)

4. Dev Deepika (HR Professional At Maersk)

5. Phil Johnson, MBL Coach (Master of Business Leadership Coach)

6. Pete Berghold (Unix Professional and Perl Hacker at IBM)

7. Andrew Meyer (Owner, Capability Alignment Professionals)

8. Raphael Gilbert (Consultant at Modis International)

Kindly share your feedback and suggestions on this text.

Regards

Sanjeev Himachali

(BLOG: http://sanjeevhimachali.multiply.com/journal/ and http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/ )



Source by Sanjeev Himachali

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